Warning, I’m talking about my old hat, specialty: abuse culture and patterns.
There is a very eyerolly thing going on, with an extreme minority, within the SFF and writing community for upping sales and collecting social media follows that I just can’t abide by.
I can’t even!
There are some within the community (if you’re in the community, you can guess who I’m talking about. If you aren’t, don’t worry about it, bud) that feel the only way they can garner followers on social media, or book sales, or just blanket narcissistic supply is by breaking social contracts…instead, you know, by writing good stories and earning their audience.
Firstly, what do I mean by social contract, you might ask? Well, I’m referring to that unspoken code of public conduct that all of us generally well-adjusted adults abide by. It’s what keeps us from cutting in lines, blowing our noses on other people’s sleeves, cursing at children, saying obnoxious things that could get our asses kicked in mixed company…hell, it’s what keeps us from kicking people’s asses when they are obnoxious in mixed company.
With that clear
- There are certain people who feel that yelling words like “fag” on panels is appropriate, among other things commonly considered taboo in mixed company. Especially, in company that involves the presence of children. (Vulgarity)
- There are people who think that a valid book sales tactic is insulting more established authors (or community members) that don’t know them on social media, claiming that said established author was attacking them for <insert political\social reasons>–when there is zero evidence to back these claims. (Pathological lying)
- There are certain people who feel it is appropriate to send their followers to troll established authors, or members of the SFF community. (Triangulation)
- There are people who feel that telling people that they intend to stalk/harass at cons as a means to intimidate them is appropriate conflict resolution. (Bullying)
- There are people who feel entitled to shout their opinions on other’s front lawns. (Raging)
- There are some who think it is adult behavior to constantly berate others, even after being asked to stop, and even afted being blocked online by circumventing their block with shell accounts. (Harassment)
- There are people who think it’s okay to manufacture feuds with people, who don’t care who they are, to attract traffic to their page. Or claim that they are followed or friends with more established people you can clearly see has no connection to them. (Grandiosity)
- There are people who abuse others, but when called on it claim that they are the victims, and are being repressed. (Projection)
- There are some who move the goal post in every debate they have, or outrightly act like they are clueless to what you are talking about when presented with evidence of their behavior. (Gaslighting)
Let’s be clear about one thing, this breaking of social contract has nothing to do with ANYTHING ELSE other than attracting narcissistic supply and book sales. It’s not about what they say it is. It’s got nothing to do with the false outage. It’s DSM, textbook narcissism or pathological behavior.
Anyone who willfully breaks the social contract is an abuser. (And, yes, don’t be gaslit, they are not innocently messing up, or just odd, awkward guys.) They are purposely shitting on commonly understood rules of social decency for attention. They aren’t a safe person. They are unstable. This goes beyond just being an asshole, they are predators hunting for supply. …and if you get wrapped up by them, you are the abused, whether or not you are on their good side.
These types of people have two people in their lives: enemies they overtly abuse and try to control, and sycophants they covertly abuse and try to control (more successfully).
As a victim’s advocate and abuse expert: I see you, boo. I know what you are. 🙂
Just be aware, if the first thing that pops up when you Google your name is the controversy you’ve manufactured and not your books, you’re doing this whole writer thing wrong. You are in a short line to having even your most tolerant supporters abandoning the dumpster fire that is your public persona.
Be aware: if you think the way to publishing fame is by harassing, breaking social contracts, and being an Internet troll, you have a personality disorder, not a publishing career.
I think I’ve said all I can only this topic. I’ll hold my peace from here.